So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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