I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
