"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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