I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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