i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
