just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.