i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome