You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?