we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
