Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
