Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
