i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.