Texts From Last Night

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  (702): View more from Nevada

  the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!

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  (702): the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry! http://tfl.nu/25bg
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  (817): View more from Texas

  So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...

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  (817): So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain... http://tfl.nu/gzma
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes

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  (330): im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes http://tfl.nu/3pbg
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.

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  (+44): So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors. http://tfl.nu/2asp
  Replies (32) Good night (3242) Bad night (996)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote

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  (216): It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote http://tfl.nu/ew61
  Replies (4) Good night (1411) Bad night (1008) Order T-Shirt
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I get to be your mom.

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  (847): Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth? (312): I get to be your mom. http://tfl.nu/nmh7
  Replies (11) Good night (3622) Bad night (1238)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.

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  (608): he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually. http://tfl.nu/qiv4
  Replies (5) Good night (2511) Bad night (753) Order T-Shirt
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?

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  (636): Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown? http://tfl.nu/ay3b
  Replies (4) Good night (1393) Bad night (449) Order T-Shirt
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  (716): View more from New York

  She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked

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  (716): She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked http://tfl.nu/7qkm
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  (214): View more from Texas

  I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.

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  (214): I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress. http://tfl.nu/w1xg
  Replies (5) Good night (1055) Bad night (380) Order T-Shirt
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting

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  (580): This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting http://tfl.nu/ouax
  Replies (9) Good night (858) Bad night (569) Order T-Shirt
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.

  (1-989): View more from Michigan

  I'll uninvite my mom

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  (989): He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis. (1-989): I'll uninvite my mom http://tfl.nu/cezv
  Replies (5) Good night (1426) Bad night (297) Order T-Shirt
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  (518): View more from New York

  The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.

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  (518): The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid. http://tfl.nu/6fga
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.

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  (248): Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift. http://tfl.nu/gpor
  Replies (5) Good night (733) Bad night (397)
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  PS my house is a mess.

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  pps I have a rash on my face.

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  (403): PS my house is a mess. (403): pps I have a rash on my face. http://tfl.nu/t8vc
  Replies (3) Good night (167) Bad night (625)

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