I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
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Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.