I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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