i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
