You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
