I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
