ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
