It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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