Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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