He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
