We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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