Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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