Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
