hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
