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Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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