my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
