So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
