i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
