hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
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