is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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