Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
