dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
