we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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