shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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