Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
