So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
