Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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