when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
