Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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