i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
