You just made me feel so damn special
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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