She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
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I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
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I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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