u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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