k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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