hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
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i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
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I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.