Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
25 ‘Manly’ Things Guys Do That Are Actually Really Annoying
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night