Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices