You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
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not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
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Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.