So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.