the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
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You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
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Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm