If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.