He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
