I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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