Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
