Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
