The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
