who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
