I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
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Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
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As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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