You just made me feel so damn special
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
