when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
