should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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