you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
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When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
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She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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