Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
