I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
