dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
