Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
