this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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