I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
