my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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