and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the day after is always just damage control
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
