matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
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