After last night, I could never be a politician.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Vodka?
Forever.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
