Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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