dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
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