I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
