Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
